Condiment Dispute Protocol (A Short Guide)

Condiments are serious. The tone is light. The line must keep moving.

If you are ordering for a group:

• Pick one “default” dog for the bulk of the order.
• Put special requests in plain words. Short is best.
• If you are unsure, ask for the Patriot Dog. It gives the appearance of a plan.

If you are ordering for yourself:

• Order with conviction.
• Napkins are strongly advised.

Nothing here is political. It is lunch.